JUVENTUS: COVID and existential truths

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As the fields of Center Mall are acquiring rest, the grass being left untouched, with no one to bask under the golden rays of sunshine in the ever sunny and bright San Carlos City, it occurred to me that the COVID-19 virus, along with all the lives it has claimed and the economy it had placed in disarray, has deprived us of the simplest joys of summertime.

For 10 months of battle in the academic arena as a student in a city two hours away from my hometown, saying that I’m swallowed by homesickness is a gross understatement. My yearning for being and feeling at home is already clear as broad daylight.

Yet I guess staying at home on your own volition is better than being compelled by the enhanced community quarantine’s guidelines.

Boredom and the longing for the outside are just the tip of the iceberg of this pandemic.

Below the surface lies the inexorable struggle brought upon by the class divisions and all forms of injustices.

Truly, we are all under the same storm, but others not under the same house. Some, unfortunately, have larger holes on their roofs.

I couldn’t get any luckier for not having to tell that story as my own.

Deadlines no longer serve as my reminder on what day it which; rather the number of sandwiches I have to toast in the morning, the new leaves my plants birthed, and how many times my pet asked for a belly-rub.

This is my way of saying that most of the time, I am unaware of what day it is at all.

With plenty of time in our hands, this overwhelming state comes along with the pressure of dedicating every second in the name of productivity.

Movie and book titles in bucket lists are being crossed out.

Fresh hobbies and skills are being unlocked. Most importantly, one’s sefl is being discovered and nurtured.

If there is one thing I ought to learn in this quarantine, it’s self-forgiveness.

Forgiving myself for not being able to produce something, for not being able to do something, for just merely being alive. But then again, these are the things I should not be sorry about, nor should you.

I exist.

I am here.

I am trying my best and that’s enough.

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