Let me preface this article with a short and precise description of my day to day life pre-Covid-19.
My life was pretty stagnant, pretty boring.
I work from home and I don’t go out unless I absolutely have to.
I barely see my relatives and friends and the only people that had my attention were myself and the people at home.
I shut myself out from the world because I came to a point where I just wanted all the toxicity to go away. I was happy with this set up. I was contented.
Life was pretty chill, uneventful, quiet and bullsh*t free.
Just the way I like it but as the cliche goes, all good things must come to an end.
CoViD-19 came at a time when I was already completely detached from the world and it ruined my state of zen.
Suddenly, I felt the urge to be involved again.
Suddenly, I felt the need to check up on a lot of people I seldom talk to. What used to be “chill” and uneventful became frantic and erratic.
Then, the worst part came.
My baby had a very high fever. We were on high alert for the three days that he had a fever.
Our focus was him and him alone so I neglected to realize that I was already having a fever too.
When his fever finally subsided, I found myself already unable to smell and unable to taste. I realized I was getting chills but my eyes were burning.
Every time I’d take a deep breath, my chest would feel like it’s being poked by needles. I had diarrhea and kept vomiting what I ate. I honestly felt like a useless weakling. I was too weak that when I tried to open a rambutan, my asthma got triggered.
I thought to myself, This is it. I’m going to die. Slowly and painfully. I’m not exaggerating. That’s literally what I said. How could I not think that? I mean, who gets an asthma attack over opening a rambutan? I’ve never been that weak in my life.
I’m not begging for sympathy. I’m just giving you facts.
Every single experience, every symptom I suffered through is real and scared the living daylights out of me.
I was even afraid to sleep out of fear that I may not wake up again. I really believed and accepted that my days were numbered so I made an effort to give a proper goodbye to friends and family. Good thing I did because they slapped me back to reality so let’s go back to facts.
Fact is, there are about 339,000 cases in the Philippines, as of this writing. About 293,000 have recovered, and 6321 died.
Looking at the number of deaths alone is enough to make a person paranoid.
That’s what I did. Because I was directly affected, I only saw things from my perspective. I only saw the number of deaths.
It was only after I was bitch slapped back to reality that the number of recoveries and cases became clear.
I’m sure if you do the math and turn those numbers into percentages it would look so much more convincing and smart but that’s not what I did.
I was too weak to be smart so I felt sorry for myself. The way I saw it was simple. There were way too many people who have recovered than died and so I figured I just have to be part of the bigger number.
I wanted to be part of that number and I believed I should be. I owed it to myself to at least try to survive and with that, my mindset became focused on getting better.
I started to absorb all the advice people have been giving me. I reread a lot of their messages and realized that I am loved and people cared if I died.
They prayed for me. I felt horrible and undeserving of their love because I know I shut most of them out. I detached myself from the world and I was indifferent and selfish. The least I could do was follow their advice and before I knew it, I was steadily on the road to recovery.
Now that I have fully recovered, I realized that I shouldn’t be so self-absorbed. I want to be a better human being. I want to share my blessings. I want to be more understanding. I want to be involved. This brings us to the whole point of my incredibly detailed exposition. Nobody should have to fight alone.
Nobody can. Let us not confuse independence with indifference. In these trying times, we surely will fail if we only help ourselves.
Now is the perfect time to awaken our compassion.
You don’t have to be a founder of a non profit organization. You can help in anyway you can.
You can buy corn from our farmers, buy cake to help fund someone’s hospitalization or share some vitamins and essentials to people who are too hard up to afford basic necessities.
Sad to say, but Covid-19 had to happen to me. It made me realize I’ve turned into a horrible person, but I know, I have the potential to be better.
Especially now that I’m part of the bigger number.
We heal as one.